So, I am starting this blog as part of a school assignment. I originally started a blog on tumblr but was not pleased with the set up. I decided to try something new. The exact theme of the blog was originally running 5ks because I have done two of them and my teacher thought it would be interesting to talk about a 5k from my point of view. Thing is I've only done two and there is only so much you can say and only so many people that really care and would be interested. I've decided to expand the purpose of my blog and that is to be a healthier you, and to love yourself - something I still work towards every day.
I am kind of dreading this because this means I will be putting myself out there for anyone that happens to see this. My name is Sierra - I think you should know that by my profile and I am a college student at East Carolina University in North Carolina.
Weight is something that has been a huge source of pain for me and sadly takes up more of my time than it should. I remember as a child hearing family members compete over who could lose 10lbs the quickest, argue over who was in the double digits (meaning a size 10 in pants), I remember seeing a family participate in some not so healthy practices so they wouldn't gain weight.
I was a thin child. I was just small in general and I was very active. I grew up in Arizona so I was a water baby and constantly swimming. I also did gymnastics for a little while and cheerleading when I was young and moved to North Carolina.
The first time I really gained weight I was 7 years old and went to visit my father (my parents are divorced) and I spent the summer with him. He was clueless as to what to feed me but I do think he tried. Most kids like sweets so that is what I was fed. For most kids it would have been a dream because he gave me pork rinds, chips and dip, ice cream, honeybuns, and cotton candy. He would attempt to make me sandwiches out of white bread, mayo and pepperoni. Needless to say I came home a chubby little kid. Thankfully I lost pretty much all of it as soon as I got back to eating normal foods.
The second time I experienced weight gain I was around 13 years old and had horrible migraines. I was put on a medication with a side effect of weight gain. I don't know how much I gained but I literally blew up like a balloon. Mind you, as an adult I am 5'3 so I was probably shorter at that age - it didn't take a lot of weight to make me look huge. I was going into high school, I wanted to look nice, for guys to like me and to be popular. I developed an eating disorder that would change my life. Below is a picture from 8th grade, I am in the front with the red jersey and faded jeans.
It didn't help because my family wasn't supportive. It was all in my mind, and I was exaggerating. I had one aunt that was so scared I wasn't eating enough that she would pile food on my plate and tell me it was okay to eat. Another aunt that took me out to eat and I threw up in a walmart bathroom after. I would sometimes hear things about my weight because, well I was overweight. It wasn't and isn't healthy but nobody understood the very serious, and insanely detrimental thoughts that occupied my mind. It wasn't as simple as 'Oh lose weight' it was an unhealthy obsession so while people tried to help it was doing the exact opposite.
A lot of people think an eating disorder is kind of just a warped thought process and people with it are exaggerating. That only thin people have eating disorder, how can you be fat and so worried about your weight? Or be so consume and not lose weight? It's deeper than that. It's hating yourself to the point you don't think you're worthy. It's hating yourself to the point you don't care if you die. I'm not stupid and it's been proven most people with eating disorder are relatively smart. Maybe not at first but eventually we know what we're doing to our bodies is causing more harm than good. Part of us can't stop because we became addicted to it, it's kind of like alcoholism and is a mental disorder and the other part just thinks we deserve the pain.
There was no middle ground for me. I either didn't eat at all or I over ate and made myself sick. For years I couldn't find a balance and I was not only destroying my life but also my body.
It took me what felt like forever to basically get a grip. My goal now is not to be thin but just to be healthy. I learned being thin doesn't always equal health - trust me. I, at some point, want to do indoor rock climbing and I am going to need a lot of strength to do that. I want to take a pole dancing class, again I will need strength and endurance. Over the past year I've completed two 5ks, that is something I would've never been able to do when I was sick.
Now, one of the challenges I face when I tell people I am healthy, and that I know what I am doing, and I know what my body needs is they look at me like I am crazy. I have lost credibility because of the eating disorder. How can someone with a warped mindset, someone that used to starve themselves really know about eating healthy? Or someone that still isn't at a healthy weight know anything about healthy eating? There is more than meets the eye. While the eating disorder took so much from me it also gave me a sense of awareness I never had before. I pay attention to what I am putting in my body and I listen to my body. Seeing my hair and nails growing I know I am healthy from the inside out.
This blog will be for those of us starting a new path towards a healthy lifestyle. I will share my common mistakes, how I got started, my setbacks and more. I will post about people I look up to and 'interviews' with people on the same journey as us. I will post apps to help you get started and separate pages dedicated to 5ks that you can do to celebrate your health.
