Sleepy Saturday

What to say, what to say....I sat and thought for awhile what i want to talk about today. Do I want talk about fitness apps? People I look up to with, what i consider, healthy/positive body images? Do I want to let you all know a little more about me? I think I will do that. I will talk a little about me

So true but at the same time so wrong. It doesn't matter if they know you personally, you STILL don't take it personal. I know that is easier said than done because I've been there. In my first blog post 'my story' I talked about not having a supportive family - really it's just a handful of people.

It's kind of awful because when I hear about bullying, I think "wow I was bullied by my own family" and I don't dwell on it or cry, it sucked and it hurt and sometimes I wonder why someone blood related would treat another person so horribly but I can't go back in time and fix it - it just gave me thicker skin. Obviously not all good comes from being put down half of your life - I will probably need therapy at some point and time.

I won't go into detail because it's not necessary to repeat hateful comments that I have pushed to the back of my mind but I've been called fat and lazy, I've been compared to others and not in a positive light "Well when so-so was your age she did this." Well I'm not so-so, I am just me. Sometimes my taste in clothes or shoes have come into question but really its just me being me and I like me and that took an incredibly long time.

Who has the right to judge me so harshly? What did I ever do to be looked down on so much? I used to say I hated myself enough I didn't need anyone else's help. I don't drink, I don't smoke, never been pregnant, never got arrested, I have an pretty high GPA and am a part of a national honor society, I do volunteer work - yet some how I was never good enough. Eventually, and this took years and years of negativity swirling around in my brain, but it's not me it's them. They have some inner battle they're fighting, something they never achieved, or some past regret they cannot let go of. It has nothing to do with me, I just happen to be the easy target because I am around and because I take things to heart.

Now obviously I knew the people that said this personally - should I have taken all of that personal? I did, for a long time. How can you not take it personal when they are attacking me as whole? My looks, my likes, my personality. I got over it though because the more I tried to please them the unhappier I became. I like me, End of story. That is all that matter in the long run - to be happy and healthy.